Self-appointed experts from everywhere have jumped on the happiness bandwagon. They’ve become a sea of smiley faces, self-help gurus, and purveyors of wisdom that have stormed the world with guarantees of annihilating problems and anguish altogether. But in reality, all isn’t necessarily well. According to many, as a nation we’ve grown sadder and more anxious during the same years that the happiness movement has flourished; perhaps that’s why we eagerly ate up all that marketing and advertising.
Then, there are those who see in the happiness brigade a glib and shallow solution. So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that the happiness movement has unleashed a counterforce. These people observe that our preoccupation with happiness has come at the cost of sadness, an emotional feeling that we’ve continually tried to banish from our emotional repertoire. People opt to medicate themselves instead of working through the sadness. But both sides agree on something important: that we tend to grab superficial quick fixes such as extravagant purchases and fatty foods to subdue any negative feelings that overcome us. Such measures seem to hinge on a belief that constant happiness is somehow our birthright.
Indeed, research shows instant indulgences do calm us down, but only for a short time. They leave us poorer, physically unhealthy, and generally more miserable in the long run. And what’s worse is that some of us lack in the real skills to get us out of our ruts. Happiness isn’t about smiling all day long. It’s not about eliminating bad mood or adopting cheery pronouncements devoid of critical judgment. While veritable experts lie in different camps and sometime challenge one another, they’ve also been able to assemble big chunks in the happiness puzzle over the years.
What exactly is happiness? It’s more like satisfaction or contentment rather than bursting with glee at all times. It has depth and deliberation to it. It encompasses living a beautiful life, utilizing your gifts and your time, and living with thought and purpose. It’s maximized when you also feel that you’re a part of a community, and even when you confront annoyances and grievances with grace. It involves a willingness to learn, stretch, and grow, which admittedly, sometimes involves discomfort. It requires acting on life, not merely taking it in. It’s not joy, a temporary exhilaration, or even pleasure. It’s also not a sensual rush, though a steady supply of those feelings course through those who seize each day.
There has been real progress in understanding happiness and how to get it. Some lucky souls are born with brighter outlooks than others; they simply see beauty and opportunity where others hone in on flaws and dangers. But those with a more ominous orientation can alter their outlook, at least to a point. They can learn to internally challenge fearful thoughts and negative assumptions. If not, even eliminate them altogether. Engaging in a positive internal dialogue is actually a mark of the mentally healthy. Life doesn’t always lead where we expect, but we still need to fully commit to the life we currently have. There’s enormous freedom in finding the good in the unexpected.
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