Practice Assertiveness

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Being assertive is an acceptable norm in society. It is tantamount to standing up for one’s right and expressing one’s needs courteously and with respect to yourself and to others. People assert themselves in various ways throughout the day.  It may be as mundane as asserting one’s place in line or as emphatic as establishing one’s convictions in the face of danger. Whatever the case, people need to make known that they have certain rights which must be honored by others. You do not need to use tactics which are demeaning, derogatory or abusive. Here are a few ways to assert yourself and yet maintain a respectful stance. Choose the right time and place. If you need some important work done, take the time to call or see the person and mention to them the criticality of completing the work on schedule. Choose a place where there are no sudden interruptions. If you talk on the phone, make sure that the person is listening attentively to you and not doing other things concurrently. Be calm, direct and firm in your talk. If the tone is clear and direct to the point, the person will honor your request, regardless of whether they like your request. Saying “I” rather than “we” brings home the point that you want it done. There is no need to shout or act brash. Be specific and revalidate your request. When you need something done, state the date, time and location that you want your request done. For example, say “I want the report finished and on my desk by 9:00 am Tuesday morning”.  Inquire if there is anything that needs clarification and ask the person to reiterate your request.  People sometimes wait until the last minute before submitting the completed work. If you had mentioned Tuesday with no specific time, the person might submit the completed work to you at the end of the day.  This may be considered acceptable since it is within your request for submission by Tuesday.  Use body language to accentuate your needs. Look directly at the person and be sure the person is also attentively watching you. Try to secure eye contact. Asking them to repeat your request is one way of making sure that they understood clearly what you want done. Stand up for your rights. It may be a minor infringement but it may lead to bigger issues if you don’t stand up at the start. Don’t allow people to take advantage of you. People might misinterpret your kindheartedness and gentle disposition as a weakness and treat you unjustly. Insist on fair treatment and be open with your honest opinions. Have the people understand you have rights too that should be respected. Be friendly and courteous with everyone. Being brusque and rude will not help establish your assertiveness. Don’t get personal. You are not out to win a personality contest. It is hard to be liked by everyone every time. There will be conflicts at times but take it in stride and be objective in your dealings. In the long run, people will respect you for that.
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